


Love Like Acid and Liquor

by rome_in_asia



Category: Kpop - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: A Bit of Fluff, Angst, Aromantic Hobi, Drinking, Ha!, Hyperventilating, I'm Sorry, Jeon Jungkook is Whipped, Kim Taehyung is Bad With Feelings, M/M, Namjin and Yoonmin if you squint, One-Sided Attraction, Sickness, Vomiting, a lot of tears, canon-divergent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-14 18:54:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10542486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rome_in_asia/pseuds/rome_in_asia
Summary: I thought we reached our crescendo but I didn't realize it was already the finale.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm already saying it here, _I AM SO SORRY_

"I miss him."

Jungkook held back a tired sigh from escaping his lips, opting instead to tighten his hold around Taehyung's waist as they laid on the younger's bed, listening to each other's heartbeats. It was an intimate moment, yet Jungkook was really irked that Taehyung was thinking of _him_ even then.

"I know you do." He said.

"I'm sorry, Kookie." Taehyung whimpered, almost crying. He shifted in Jungkook's arms and buried his face into his t-shirt, inhaling Jungkook's comforting scent. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, hyung." was all that Jungkook could say. He wanted to add, _I'll still be loving you even when your heart and soul belongs to another,_ but he didn't say it out loud. He just wanted to have Taehyung in his arms.

That was enough.

"Why do you even put up with me, Kookie?" Taehyung whispered, his head burrowing on the free space between his shoulder and neck.

Jungkook pressed a soft, lingering kiss on his hyung's forehead. "Because I love you, hyung. You know that." _I love you and he doesn't but you still love him._

_Fucking bullshit piece of love story._

"I'm sorry, Kookie."

Sometimes, Jungkook wonders if apologizing was Taehyung's way of saying he loves his dongsaeng back.

Sometimes, Jungkook lets himself dream it is.

It takes away the numbing pain that starts in his gut and spreads to his chest, constricting his heart and filling up his lungs until he can't breath, gasping for short, little puffs of air.

"Go to sleep, hyung. Hobi-hyung will be back tomorrow." Jungkook tried to not growl at the name. Hoseok did nothing wrong; he came out as aromantic to the group right from the beginning, something sixteen year old Jungkook did not understand.

Somehow, that didn't stop Taehyung from falling in love with the hyung who could never feel anything romantic in return instead of the maknae who loved him with all his heart.

_Life was really unfair._

"I wish I was braver, Kookie. Things would have been easier. I want to be braver."

Taehyung was more asleep than awake, mumbling his thoughts outloud and unrestricted and if Jungkook wasn't so enamoured and hurting colossally deep inside, he would have punched Taehyung for having no filter and adding to the pain he was feeling.

"Me too, hyung. Me too."

 _It would have been so much easier_.

\----

"Hyung!"

Taehyung had immediately jumped on Hoseok the moment the elder entered the dorm, clinging onto the dancer's shoulders and grinning like a kid on Christmas. His eyes were shining so much with pure, unaldulterated love, Jungkook wanted to cry.

"Aigoo, did Taehyungie miss me too much?"

Jungkook felt his breath hitch and forced himself to remain calm, sipping on the tea Seokjin had placed in front of him with a warning expression.

He really wanted to drink coffee or soju, something a little stronger than tea to take his mind off how Taehyung was following Hoseok around like a lost puppy, but Jungkook knew it would make Seokjin and Yoongi angry.

_Fucking gastritis._

"Eat your toast, Kook." Namjoon reminded gently. "Your medicine's on the counter."

"Thanks, hyung."

Jungkook waited until everyone was out of the kitchen then dumped his tea on the sink and swiped his medication away, throwing them into the trash. He was going to get a huge earful from his eldest hyungs if they found out what he was planning, but he needed to do it.

"Hey, Kook... Going somewhere?" Jimin had just come home from a jog around their block.

"Hobi-hyung's back."

Jimin's face lit up with recognition and he bit his lip in contemplation. "Be back before late, Kook, okay? I'll try to coax the hyungs to let you stay out a bit, but I can't sweet talk them forever... Stay safe, Kook."

"Thank you, Jimin-hyung. You know, I'd give you a hug if you weren't so sweaty." Jungkook laughed, pushing himself out of the dorm. He quickly hailed a taxi, telling the driver an address he hoped his hyungs would never know.

Jungkook inwardly smiled.

He was going to get shitfaced today.

\---

"Where is Jungkook?"

Jimin flinched in surprise at Yoongi's gravelly voice interrupting his peaceful rewatching of Tae's Hwarang drama on the TV with Namjoon and Hoseok. He looked up to see Yoongi holding what looked like a bottle of pills.

"I don't know, hyung. Why?"

"He threw his medicine into the trash this morning, Jimin."

Namjoon stood up, startled. "What?"

"Call him." Yoongi growled. Jimin fumbled with his phone, praying that Jungkook wasn't doing anything stupid. Their maknae has left since around nine in the morning, and it has been ten hours.

Jimin wondered if his earlier decision of letting Jungkook go out was right, after all.

"He's not picking up." Namjoon almost broke his phone, pressing his fingers so hard on the touch screen surface.

"Who is?" Seokjin asked, dragging Taehyung behind.

"Jungkook." Yoongi was looking directly at Taehyung. "He threw his gastritis meds into the garbage can, and he's been gone since this morning and we can't contact him."

Hoseok was fiddling nervously with the hem of his sweater. "Hyung, I-"

"I'm not blaming you, Hoseok." Yoongi clarified.

"Should I call him?" Taehyung asked quietly, already taking his phone out but Yoongi swiped it. "Hyung, I-"

"Already caused too much damage, Taehyung. I'm not putting blame on you for not loving him, no one can control who they fall in love with. But, you can control what comes out of that mouth and Jungkook is always hearing you say you don't love him--"

"Who said--"

Seokjin hushed them both quickly when Jimin squeaked out a, "Hello? Kook? Where are you?"

"Phone. Give me the phone, Chim." Seokjin said, taking the small device. "JK, I'm putting you on speaker. Where-- are you _drunk_?"

Yoongi stiffened visibly.

" _Mmm. Hey, hyung!"_ Jungkook's slurred greeting came through.

"Kook, where are you?" Namjoon tried, fidgeting in anxiousness. Their maknae wasn't supposed to drink, not at all with his disease. He could end up coughing blood and getting surgery and maybe even die.

" _I don't know, hyung~ probably North Kor-hic-yaaa."_

"Jungkook, oh my god." Jimin grabbed the phone back. "Kook, how many drinks have you had?"

There was a slight buzzing and fumbling from the other side of the line. _"I forgot? I wasn't counting_ \--" there was a sound of the train passing by. " _Hyung, I got a -hic- new Iron Man figurine!"_

"Kookie," Taehyung almost sobbed. "Kookie, are you okay?"

" _Taehyung-hyung?"_

"It's me, Kookie!"

" _I gotta go, I'm sorry."_

The line suddenly went dead and Taehyung actually broke down, crying. Jimin watched as Seokjin gathered the mess that is his bestfriend into his motherly arms, wondering what he should do next.

"I'll go find him." Hoseok got up, sounding very guilty but Yoongi, small as he is, reached out and pushed Hoseok back into the couch. "But, hyung-"

"Jungkook knows his way home." Was all Yoongi replied.

"Yoongi." Seokjin stated, a low warning.

"He needs to blow some steam off. It's not like he's irresponsible or anything. If any, Jungkook's the most level-headed drunk I know. He'll get back here safely."

"Yes, he will but his acid?" Namjoon suddenly snapped. "Yoongi-hyung, I understand what you mean, I do. But Kook's sick, and we have to take care of him. He's drunk, his stomach won't be able to take it. What if-"

Jimin casually kicked their leader to gather the attention back to Taehyung, who was hyperventillating on the floor. Seokjin was instructing him to breathe, and Hoseok had his hand on Taehyung's mouth, acting as a paperbag of some sort.

"Tae?" Namjoon's voice cracked with worry. "Shit, I'm sorry, I-"

"Fuck, why is this happening?" Yoongi groaned, eyes cast upward. "I could be sleeping now, for god's sake!"

"I -" Taehyung was panting. "This is m-my fault."

"Yes." Yoongi agreed.

"No, Tae, it isn't." Jimin sent his hyung a glare. _You're not helping. "_ Kook will be okay, Taetae. He gets you, he loves you. He just needs a little time."

Hoseok nodded grimly. "We talked about this earlier, Tae."

"What does that mean?" Seokjin asked.

"I- I love K-Kookie." Taehyung was crying again. "It's s-so stupid that I-I took so long t-to get it but I... W-what if he d-dies, hyung? It's g-gonna be m-my fault a-and-"

"Shh, Tae." Jimin rubbed soothing circles onto his back. "Hobi-hyung, can you explain instead?"

"Tae and I had a talk earlier, when I got back from my family reunion thing?" Hoseok started, letting Yoongi and Namjoon put a paperbag over Tae's mouth. "I told him about my family and stuff, and all he could say in reply was how Jungkook coloured in his mandala coloring book and other small Jungkook-related stuff. Totally unrelated to me. Like he didn't listen at all."

Namjoon nodded for him to go on.

"So I let him talk. Tae blurted out how stupid he felt, clinging onto Jungkook when he knew he was just hurting him by talking about me. How Jungkook was so caring and sweet and lovable." Hoseok grinned. "How Taehyung would go to the farthest ends of the galaxies just to see Jungkook smile again before Tae broke his heart."

"Oh my god." Jimin almost cooed.

"How Tae would, if he could, go back in time and tell Jungkook how much he loves him and how shitty of a person he is for being too scared to admit the truth that he really loves him. Tae also said something about stealing Kook's shirts and smelling them, but I don't think that's important."

"Why the fucking hell did it take this long and this difficult to fucking say it?" Yoongi choked out, half-angry and half-awwing at the situation. Jimin chuckled at how twisted Yoongi's face looked, stuck between adoring and anger.

Seokjin sighed as Taehyung finally fell limp and asleep in his arms. "At least now all we have to worry about is JK's health. _God_ , I'm so scared right now."

Namjoon let Seokjin lean against him. "He'll be fine. We'll all be fine."

 _Jungkook will be too_.

\---

It was four in the morning when Jungkook, limbs weak and still buzzed from his drunken crusade through several nightclubs, stormed into the dorm, singing I Need U at the top of his lungs.

_"I need you, girl, wae honja saranghago--"_

He stopped short at seeing Taehyung huddled on the couch with a blanket, asleep but still clutching the remote tightly in his white-knuckled hand. His hair was messed up, face puffy, like he had been crying.

Jungkook couldn't help himself; he went closer and smoothed back the stray hairs on Taehyung's face.

"Kookie?" his hyung whispered, still asleep.

"I'm here, hyung."

Taehyung smiled a little, leaning onto the younger's touch.

Suddenly, everything was too much for Jungkook. His heart was pounding wildly in its cage and his lungs felt like they were on fire. His mouth was parched but wet at the same time.

He knew what was going to happen next.

Jungkook ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet bowl in time to expel the alcohol and everything else in his stomach. It stinked of vodka and acid, and it hurt his head.

But he also tasted something metallic in his mouth.

 _Blood_.

"Shit." Jungkook knew the consequences of his actions earlier. He was well aware of how many shots he downed, how many bottles he emptied. "Fucking shit."

And he started laughing.

His stomach was salvaging itself.

Funny how his life was going down the drain.

"Kookie? Open the door, please! Kookie!"

Taehyung's voice was hoarse and cracked and dry, and Jungkook knew it was his voice after the elder had cried plentiful. Did Hoseok hurt him? Jungkook felt anger flood into his veins.

"Tae? Are you okay--" the moment he opened the door, Taehyung launched himself into him, burrowing his face into his neck, crying and muttering incoherence.

"Kookie, I was so worried. Please don't do that again, Kookie. Oh my god, I thought I'd never see you again. Kookie, I'm so sorry. Shit. Oh my god, Kookie."

_Not that you'd probably notice. You have Hobi-hyung._

"I don't." Taehyung replied, and Jungkook smacked himself mentally for saying it outloud. "I don't have him and he doesn't have me and I was so scared I won't have you too."

 _What_?

"Let's get you cleaned up, Kookie." Taehyung whispered softly, pushing back the hair away from Jungkook's sweaty forehead. "Yoongi-hyung found your meds... Here. You should take them before sleeping. I'll get you some clothes."

Taehyung pressed a quick peck on Jungkook's cheek before running out, leaving the youngest in shock.

He still downed two tablets and a glass of water, gargling mouthwash to take away the taste of alcohol and the bitter acid on his tongue.

Jungkook may also have thrown up three times while Taehyung was out.

By the time Taehyung was back, Jungkook was slumped against the cool tiled wall, breathing heavily. "Hyung, please." He whimpered, reaching for Taehyung, body hurting all over from retching his guts out.

"Did you throw up your medicine?" Taehyung asked, and he was so, so gentle with how he wrapped his arms around Jungkook and hoisted him up to sit on the sink. "Where does it hurt, Kookie? Will you tell hyung where it hurts?"

"Everywhere." He croaked back.

"I'll get Jin-hyung--"

"No, no. Tae, please. Don't leave me."  Jungkook blurted out, crying and holding onto Taehyung. He could feel another wave of nausea coming up, but he pushed it down. "Hyung, please."

Taehyung didn't know what to do so he just returned the tight grip. "I'm not leaving, Kookie. Hyung's here. Hyung won't leave you. Hyung loves you, Kookie, okay? I really do."

"But you love Hobi-hyung more."

"I don't, Kookie. I'm sorry you thought so but no. It's only you, Kookie."

Jungkook wondered if the pain and alcohol was making him hallucinate, because never in his wildest dreams would he ever believe Taehyung to reciprocate.

"You don't have to lie, hyung. I'm not that drunk." He tried to stand but instead fell onto Taehyung's waiting arms. The elder let out an amused sound, carding his long fingers through Jungkook's hair.

"I never lie, Kookie. Not to you."

"You're an actor, hyung. I shouldn't trust you." Jungkook slurred. "I shouldn't trust you. I shouldn't... But I do, hyung. _Fuck_ , I trust you so much. I feel so stupid. And pathetic. Definitely pathetic."

"You're not pathetic, love. I am." Taehyung whispered. "I don't think you'll remember this in the morning, but I gotta say it before I chicken out again. I-I love you, Kookie. And I'm sorry."

_I love you, Kookie._

\---

_"I miss him."_

_I miss having the Jungkook who laughed like a carefree child. I miss having the Jungkook who smiled at me genuinely, without any tears and pain behind those bright eyes. I miss the Jungkook who was before I broke his heart._

_"I know you do."_

_No, love, you don't. It's not Hobi-hyung. Not anymore, anyway. It's you, I've come to realize. You, and only you._

_"I'm sorry, Kookie. I'm so sorry."_

_For being such a brat, unable to tell you my true feelings. Unable to own up to the fact that I am so helplessly in love with you. So helplessly enamoured by your perfection._

_"It's okay, hyung."_

_Yes, I hope it is now._

\----

Jungkook woke up to a pounding headache and a seriously painful feeling in his gut. He groaned, curling onto his side and hitting someone's stomach with his knees.

The person let out a pained _oof_ and Jungkook opened his eyes to see Taehyung rolling over to his back and clutching his abdomen, eyes squeezed shut.

"Hyung?"

"Good morn- _fuck_ , Kookie, did you really have to knee me?"

"I... why... how did I end up here?"

"Oh." Taehyung grunted, sitting up. The sunrays coming in from the window lit his hair, the crazy strands sticking up oddly and giving him the illusion of innocence. "I dragged you in from the bathroom? You kinda passed out there."

The night before was still hazy, so Jungkook just stared at his hyung.

"You threw up. A lot." Taehyung supplied helpfully, rubbing his sore stomach and purposefully avoiding the maknae's eyes. "Are you feeling better? It's almost nine, you should take your medicine."

"I threw it out?"

"Yoongi-hyung found it, Kook. It's okay, no one's mad. We were just worried, please don't do it again."

Jungkook was beginning to slowly piece the events. He got jealous, went out, drank too much, picked up an Iron Man figurine - _where was it?-_ went home, threw up, and Taehyung confessed to him--

 _What_?

"Kookie?"

"D-did last night really happen?"

"Which part?" Taehyung seemed indifferent, pulling up the youngest and fussing over his shirt, face, and hair. "It was difficult to change you into sleeping clothes, you know. I had to do it when you were asleep and uncooperative and very heavy on the bathroom floor."

"Hyung-"

"It's okay if you don't remember, well, actually... That would hurt both of us. Why is this so embarrassing? Kook- are you laughing at me?" Taehyung demanded.

Jungkook laughed, reaching out to carress Taehyung's soft cheek. "You're so beautiful." He sighed adoringly before his expression soured and he blanched, withdrawing hastily.

"Kookie?" Taehyung immediately leapt into action, taking out a metal bucket from under the bed and keeping Jungkook by his side, pressing kisses to the crown of his head. "Just keep breathing, okay?"

"Tae-"

"Shh." He squeezed his eyes shut to prevent his tears from leaking. "I'm here, Kookie. Hyung's here. Inhale, exhale. Keep breathing for hyung. Can you do that?"

"It hurts." Jungkook choked out, blood dripping from the side of his mouth after he vomited into the metal bucket. "Hyung, Tae, am I going to die?"

Taehyung sniffled, holding his dongsaeng in his arms. "No. Fuck, Jungkook, no. You're not going to die. We'll continue making music and performing at concerts and making our fans and each other happy. We'll keep on irritating Yoongi-hyung and then make fun of Joonie-hyung. We'll be okay."

"Tae, you know I love you, right?"

"Yes." Taehyung let his tears flow freely. "Yes, Kookie. I do."

"Good."

The weight in his arms slumped, and Taehyung sobbed. "Kook? Kookie, please wake up! Hyung! Seokjin-hyung! Yoongi-hyung! Help! Jungkook? Kookie, c'mon, this isn't funny. Wake up, love. Please wake up for hyung. Kookie, please!"

_\---_

_I thought we reached our crescendo but I didn't realize it was already the finale._

 

**Author's Note:**

> OOPS.
> 
> @sugakookientea (twitter fan acc that i started like, yesterday)
> 
> @defibrillitaetor (vent account, hit me up)  
> [http://get.vent.co/YLSd/O10mw4XscC]
> 
> Scream at me y'all, I deserve it.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed ;)


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